Da Boyz "A Tale Of Two Puppies"

It was the best of dogs(Fox), it was the worst of dogs(The Choc aka Chocolate Chip or as Veronica calls him the Brown Bastard).  That's as much as I remember of A Tale of Two Cities so my literary pretensions have to end here.  After a two week Boot Camp that the trainer extended to three weeks at no extra cost due to the lack of progress that my two boyz had made, I went last Saturday to pick up my two doggies.  The Dee joined me to see how her two brothers had progressed.  I had previously spoken to the trainer and he'd commented on how well Chocolate Chip was taking to the training and how Fox was lagging behind. This amazed all of us and we had to clarify with the trainer, hey Bob, you know that Choc is the brown one and Fox is the reddish one.  Definitely, he said, as I fainted from the shock.  If you remember some of my previous stories Choc is the one that acts like he's half English Cocker Spaniel and half Bear, while Fox was always the docile obedient one who's only transgression was getting lost by wandering into a neighbors back yard and pushing open a swinging gate that then locked behind him and had us searching for him for almost three hours.

We were required to wait on a screened porch while the trainer put the dogs through their paces.  Chocolate Chip came strutting out like he owned the backyard and to the amazement of Dee and me, he was AWESOME.  He even looked sleek from a distance and Bob confirmed that Choc had lost a few pounds,(is anyone who knows me surprised that I overfed my dogs, I didn't think so, I've been overfeeding myself, my wife and my daughters for years.  It's amazing that they are as healthy as they are, people and dogs.)  This was a basic obedience course and the training is designed to get the dog to walk at the person's side, stop when the person stops and come when they are called.  There are only three commands, EASY which makes them stop, sit and look at you for the next command.  OK which releases them from the previous command, and COME which gets them to run to you wherever you are.  For almost twenty minutes Choc followed every single command and amazingly more than half the time he was totally off the leash and just following voice commands.  Fox followed and while he was more tentative than Choc he was also pretty damn good.  Since Dee was going back to UD, I loaded the dogs up and drove home to my empty house (Mary was in Prague on a company sponsored Masters Program thingie and Veronica was either working or out, I don't remember.)  I immediately began the process of ruining all the training that Bob had given da Boyz.  I took them out together, he had said to do it separately, I varied my tone on the EASY command sometimes too soft, sometimes too harsh, I threw in a sit or stay command occasionally which left the dogs looking at me with their heads turned to one side like the old RCA Victor dog(I just realized how old that made me sound, my daughters and any of their peers are right now Googling RCA Victor dog to see what the HELL I am talking about), wondering what the hell I wanted from them.  Mary called that Tuesday and pleaded with me to make sure there was some semblance of the training left by the time she returned the next Friday.  It is now 8 days since I picked up the dogs and I have to say they are much better.  I have done the solo training walk 7 out of the 8 days, I have had them loose in the house without any major destruction taking place, and while I have probably fed them more than Bob, I am certain it is much less than I used to feed them.  So all in all, I'm getting my money's worth.

One thing I forgot, when we picked up Choc we noticed that he had worn a smooth spot at the tip of his tail from wagging it against the side of his crate, I tried a band-aid and it fell off almost immediately.  Then later that day Veronica helped me put neosporin on the abrasion and wrap it with gauze and paper tape.  Being a professional Nurse she did an amazing job, it looked like Choc had just come back from the vet.  The next morning I took him out for his training walk and noticed that the bandage was gone.  I figured he'd taken it off and it was still in the crate, no big deal.  Halfway through our walk, he went into his usual, 'go on without me Ech, I gotta poop' pose and left a clear brownish line of liquipoop down the middle of the street.  As soon as he was finished we resumed the walk and he performed all of his commands like a champ including a three block stint without a leash.  I forgot all about the bandage and the liquipoop until the next day.  As we were walking by the spot I saw that the rain had turned the liquipoop white, upon approaching for a closer look I saw the bandage that had been ON his tail had traveled through his system and come OUT his tail.  That's my boyz.

I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats.

For those of you who have watched TV in New York in the last thirty years you may remember the title of this article. The unfortunate thing for whoever wrote that commercial is that the line is so memorable that nobody remembers the play that was being advertised.  I googled it to see if I could find out, but it mentioned an SNL skit that used the line and gave a ton of links that also said they couldn't remember the play that was being advertised.

I can see it clearly, a couple is walking out of the theater and the 'man on the street' reporter holds up the microphone and an older, heavyset lady with a strong Brooklyn accent gives her personal review for the non-memorable play, "I laughed, I cried, it was better than CATS."

Since then, I have used that line with the members of my family enough so that they become nauseous and turn green whenever I say it.  It is a catchall phrase that I used to describe great entertainment, totally lousy entertainment and life situations that brought out an emotional reaction.

This has been one of those weeks where I laughed, I cried and it was better than Cats.  On Monday I received word that I had been eliminated from consideration one of the two jobs for which I had interviewed,  I learned this as I was driving to the final interview with the other company where I had made it to the final three candidates.  Still, my interview went well and my hopes were raised.

Then on Thursday my current manager who was one of the main causes of my urgency to leave my job called me at 3:50 PM, his first question was, "Where are you?', when I told him he said, "you're too far away we'll have to do this on the phone."  He then told me that he felt that it was in my best interest to accept a transfer to another district because there wasn't enough business to justify my current role and he wanted to collapse the territory and not backfill it.  At that moment I felt that I had hit the lottery, this man was by far the least effective leader I have ever worked under and he was offering me a transfer to a territory managed by one of my best friends in the company.  While it may have it's awkward moments, this is an opportunity to go back to work for a human being.  Having done their job for 15 years I feel that I am qualified to evaluate others' ability to perform that job, I feel like am going from being managed by Stump Merrill to being managed by Billy Martin, for you Met fans, think Jerry Manuel to Gil Hodges.

So, if you are following, Monday bad then good, Tuesday hate my boss, Wednesday hate my boss, Thursday say good-bye to the boss I hate talk to a boss I like and respect, Friday say good bye to a bunch of good co-workers have a teleconference with my new team, Friday night find out you didn't get the other job and while the reasons for leaving are diminished, the prospects for leaving are non-existent at this time.

So all in all this was a week that made me laugh, it made me cry, and it was STILL better than Cats.

Follow Up (Cheating on my employer)

As I reported on my previous post, my five year relationship with my current employer has hit the skids and I'm looking to put them in my rear view mirror as quickly as possible.  This started in November and for four months I felt like the fat kid with the bad skin who couldn't get ANYONE to dance with him.  Then in the past few weeks I had two beautiful potential partners, the one with the telephonic approach came through with a request for a face to face, and so I took a vacation day last Thursday and drove to Boston to see her.  She is in a beautiful red brick building in Marlborough, MA and I felt completely at ease talking to her and her two employees.  They were all very cordial and nice, but I sensed that I may not be their first choice, I was scheduled to spend two hours with them but they cut it short at an hour and forty minutes.  While I know I did not embarrass myself, I did not get the warm feeling all through my body that comes from either true love or a really powerful orgasm.  The positive news is that this will not be the kind of relationship that keeps you hanging, they expect to decide who they are going to go to bed with by next Friday.  In comparison, my current employer took 3 months from first interview to written offer.  So while that is potentially in the works, my hopes are not too high.

HOWEVER, the beautiful young company from South Jersey who I had spent a wonderful day with two weeks ago, called me on Friday to see if I would be available to meet with the suit from the parent company.  Now, as nerve-wracking as meeting the parents can be, I have always felt comfortable at this stage of the relationship.  In previous experiences that I've had like this, for example when I met my wife's parents, I didn't fare too well.  But, as you can see from the fact that we are still married nearly 29 years later, the parents rarely make the final decision.  I feel confident that my being invited to this meeting is a very positive sign that the original relationship went very well and they want me to move in with them.  Also, this will be the fourth person from the company that I will have met and usually the fourth date is a no-brainer YES I WILL GO TO BED WITH YOU(Unless my daughters are reading this, then you need at least 137 dates, an engagement ring, and a new car before you sleep with someone).  So wish me luck, say a prayer and hopefully next week I will be posting a new chapter to my life story that will begin in Swedesboro, NJ.

Springtime for Eche in New Jersey(sung to the tune from The Producers)

Well it has been nearly 5-6 weeks since I shared my wisdom and BS with the masses.  Just this week I took a short vacation with my lovely bride to Miami, FL.  I didn't realize how much I needed this break until today when I am 36 hours away from going back to work.  For five years I have loved my job and have had respect for the company, since January I have come to the realization that it was an unrequited love affair.  I am hoping that the divorce will come through in the next few weeks.  I have started dating other companies and some have even progressed to the second date.  I am especially drawn to one particular suitor, although a second one gave me great phone in my hotel room in Miami.  Still, you can never be assured that one of these relationships will be consummated until you have the offer letter/marriage license in your hands.  But, back to springtime.

We left the state of New Jersey as it was going down under water for the third time.  40 days and 40 nights of rain that followed 127 feet of snow, culminating in a basement full of water and a 3 grand electric bill to rewire the sump pumps, the freezer, the furnace and the hot water heater which were originally all tied in to the same breaker switch and which had blown out the entire electrical system.  Why, you may ask, were all of these powerful appliances that draw high volumes of electricity, connected to the same breaker switch.  Because my builder was a thief, an idiot and a really bad general contractor.  The guy picked a good carpenter, all the woodwork in the house is great, half-ass plumber, problems that no 4 year old house should have, and a truly terrible electrician, problems since day one and no end in sight.

However, that's another story, we boarded a plane in a rain storm, the plane was delayed by an hour and we arrived in Miami in the midst of a rain shower.  We got to the Loew's South Beach and they gave us a free upgrade to an oceanview room.  By the time we reached the room, the rain stopped, the sun started shining and for the next three days we basked in the sun and water of Miami and we ate great Cuban food at Puerto Sagua(although the Roast Chicken was burned, the portions were smaller, and the prices were higher), a remarkable lunch at Fox, a restaurant on Ocean Avenue, with umbrella drinks that were served by the gallon, and dinner at the most ridiculously, over-priced, over-hyped, restaurant ever, Prime 112, BUT we saw a floor show.  Without a reservation we ended up sitting on the outside terrace, Mary and I saw a very nicely dressed woman crying outside the front door.  She was followed out by a guy in shorts a plaid shirt and sandals.  With no warning or other indication she starts whaling on this guy with both fists, the guy wrapped his arms around his head and took a bunch of shots to the mug before security held her off and escorted both of them out of our sight.  I had to come back Wednesday night to keep my date with the new company on Thursday, but Mary stayed the extra day and enjoyed what the residents of Miami said was the best day they had seen in 6 months.

So now my year truly begins, tomorrow at 8PM Yankees vs Red Sox.  Here is my prediction, Yankees WIN, THEEEEEEEEE  Yankees WINNNNN!!!!!  Number 28 in 2010!!!!!!!!!